The holidays promise joy, connection, and rest, but for many caregivers the season brings a very different emotional reality. For those experiencing holiday caregiving stress, this time of year can feel especially heavy. We open our homes, host family, keep traditions alive, and stretch ourselves thin as we try to care for everyone at once. Imagine trying to coordinate a holiday dinner while also managing a parent’s medications, scheduling doctor appointments, and keeping the kids entertained. Even when we love the people we are caring for, it is common to feel anxious, overwhelmed, or easily irritated with those we care about most.
One major source of holiday caregiving stress is supporting an aging or ill parent. Research often highlights the physical and emotional demands of caregiving, including time, energy, medical coordination, and ongoing responsibility. But some scholars, such as Heimtun (2019), also remind us that caregiving can be an expression of deep love and an extension of lifelong connection. Many cultures view this filial duty as a way of honoring the bond between parent and child, and the holidays often intensify that sense of responsibility.
The Invisible Weight Many Mothers Carry
Holiday labor does not fall equally in many households, and this imbalance often compounds holiday caregiving stress. Meals, travel planning, accommodations, activities, and the emotional work of holding everything together often rest on mothers. And while most caregiving research focuses on heterosexual partnered women, Heimtun notes that caregivers who are single or part of the LGBTQ+ community are often overlooked in research, even though their roles and stressors are just as salient. As our family structures become more diverse, we need to make space for these experiences in both research and community conversations.
The Emotional Complexity of Caring for Aging Parents
TEDx speaker Amy O’Rourke describes something many caregivers know well: the impossible feeling of being pulled in two directions at once. On one side there may be an aging parent who needs support. On the other side there may be children at home who still rely on steady care. This tension is a core feature of holiday caregiving stress.
Balancing respect for a parent’s independence with their increasing need for help can be both complicated and emotionally painful. Caregivers often take on tasks such as navigating insurance, coordinating appointments, arranging transportation, and advocating within complex health care systems. At the same time, the parent-child dynamic changes. As parents become more dependent, a new and sometimes uncomfortable power balance emerges. Feelings of guilt, resentment, or burnout are extremely common and often rise to the surface during the holidays when expectations are high and time is limited.
Moments of Meaning and the Ambivalence in Between
Even with all the strain, many caregivers describe unexpectedly meaningful moments with their parents. These might include small rituals, shared meals, or simply sitting together and enjoying a quiet conversation or walk in the neighborhood. Heimtun found that these moments of reciprocity were strongly supportive of caregiver well-being, even amid ongoing holiday caregiving stress.
At the same time, caregivers often experience ambivalence. They want to be present, but the demands of caregiving can limit privacy, reduce personal time, and create a sense of lost independence, especially during holiday travel or extended family gatherings. These mixed feelings are normal, human, and worth acknowledging. Heimtun found that scheduling small breaks for individual time, asking for help when needed, and communicating openly were all helpful ways women were able to lighten their psychological load during the holiday season.
You Are Not Alone
If the holidays feel heavier than joyful this year and holiday caregiving stress feels especially overwhelming, know that it is not your fault. Upholding cultural traditions, tending to the needs of others, and juggling responsibilities leaves little room for your own rest. Give yourself permission to pause this holiday season, ask for help, and take a break when needed.
References
Heimtun, Bente. “Holidays with Aging Parents: Pleasures, Duties and Constraints.” Annals of Tourism Research, vol. 76, May 2019, pp. 129–139, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annals.2019.03.014. Accessed 12 Mar. 2020.
“How to Relieve the Stress of Caring for an Aging Parent: Amy O’Rourke at TEDxOrlando.”
TedX Talks, 29 Oct. 2012.
Marianna Bischoff, Ba
Marianna is a therapist who specializes in working with adults and assisting them in managing life’s stressors.
Your Journey to Wellness begins Here